A Most Eloquent Eulogy, A Most Powerful Reminder

Image by Molly Rice

When I read the entire text of a eulogy given at a slain child's funeral this morning, I naturally wanted to share it, knowing that others would find it touching as well. However, the media source or website from which we share can often taint how the words and messages are received. Knowing this, I've chosen to share the text from the eulogy here, from a more neutral space, hoping that readers will take the message being imparted -- at the request of the family -- to heart. It is a message of our interconnectedness and Interbeing. I have no doubt there are families on the other side of this ongoing tragedy and struggle who echo the same sentiments regarding their children and their culture.  (Note the edit at the end of this post.)

Not being a religious person myself (though I am a person of faith), I admit that I tend to cringe when specific identifying religious terms are used in a message. I fear they create a sense of "othering"...creating a divide between those of that specific path and all "others." I'm working through that by trying to shift my perspective: Rather than reflexively viewing any chosen path as a means of division, I choose to appreciate the innate goodness and wisdom I believe are contained at the core of each path. I have always believed that the common fundamental teaching of all paths is that we are all connected, what we do to one we do to all.

If you follow a specific religious path and are unfamiliar with others and thus resist them, or if you are like me and cringe when religion is involved in a story, I ask you to please join me in trying to have an open mind as you read and release any resistance. Please allow yourself to hear to the powerful message contained within this solemn offering.  Note that emphasis placed on the text below is mine.  ~ Dena


We Need One Another

Today we are burying a child. To bury a child is unnatural; parents are not supposed to march in a funeral procession for their children; grandparents are not supposed to shed tears over their grandchild’s grave. It’s supposed to be the opposite. When we bury our deceased elderly, we cry over the lives they had lived – over the many memories they’ve left behind. When we bury a child, we cry over the lives they haven’t lived. Today we are burying a wedding; we’re burying the first breath of a new born child. Today we are burying an entire Shabbat table that will never come into being. And so let’s remember every second that we are burying today a child.

Today we are burying a child who could have been any one of ours and therefore he is one of ours – all of us. We aren’t burying a “settler”; we aren’t burying a soldier who fell in the never ending struggle for this land of ours. This is not the funeral of a particular population sub-group or “sector”; it isn’t one particular group that is grieving this loss. We need one another on this day. We need one another. We don’t need anger; we don’t need yet another division among us; we don’t need a competition over whose rage is holier or whose hate is purer. Rage is not holy. Hate can never be pure. I can certainly understand all those demanding revenge; how could I not understand when I share those same sentiments – when each and every one of us feels this way.

But today, at this funeral, in the presence of this family, we need love. We need to speak in one language. We need to rediscover the paths that connect all of us. If in fact we seek to punish our enemies, there is no greater punishment than for them to behold this sight and to see that nothing can divide us. If we want to take revenge on these murderers, and we find them and punish them, the true revenge will be the ability to transcend the differences among us and to embrace one another, despite all of our shortcomings and the disagreements among us. If indeed we want to sanctify Gil-ad’s memory, we need to choose what to sanctify: the hostility towards the other or the love for each other – that which divides us, or that which binds us; the suspicion or the trust among ourselves.

Children don’t write wills, so we must therefore write Gil-ad’s will. If the family and those assembled here permit me, I would submit that we begin the writing of this will with the words of the Holy Ari:

I hereby take upon myself the commandment of loving thy neighbor as thyself and I hereby love each and every child of Israel as my own soul and my own being.

May Gil-ad’s memory be a blessing.



LINK TO ORIGINAL ARTICLE w/EULOGY

LINK TO BACKGROUND STORY

EDIT TO ADD:  

Israelis Pay Condolences To Family Of Mohammed Abu Khdeir, Murdered Palestinian Teen

Excerpt:  "The visit was organized by Tag Meir, a coalition of forty organizations including the Interreligious Coordinating Council of Israel (ICCI). Buses were available to transport people who wanted to express their condolences.

Rabbi Ron Kronish, the director of the ICCI and steering committee member of Tag Meir, told The Huffington Post, "We went to pay a condolence visit to this Palestinian family whose son was brutally murdered as an act of religious obligation and humanistic solidarity. Our visit was warmly received by our Palestinian neighbors who were visibly moved by our empathetic act of good will."




PRACTICAL COMPASSION | Sharing thoughts, ideas, and visions of a more compassionate, collaborative, joy-filled world.

DO YOU LOVE YOU?

(Original post at Wishadoo.org)

It's Valentine's Day -- February 14, 2014 – and love, love, love is in the air. One day each year we're surrounded by talk of love and bear witness to ways of expressing our love for one another. 

A few days ago a dear friend posed a question which elicited a rather unusual reply from me.  I didn't realize it as I began composing my reply, but what I ended up sharing was a revelation about my core personal beliefs. In keeping with the intention to deepen my work, I'm sharing this interaction and my feelings about love this Valentine's Day.

The question posed by my friend, who was in a state of emotional distress, involved seeking spiritual guidance and the most effective, meaningful way to do that.

(Spiritual.  See, merely typing that word here, publicly, is a shift for me and part of the deepening of which I speak. I have always considered myself spiritual though not religious. What I mean by that is that I, personally, feel I have a direct connection with ______ [insert your chosen word here; I really don't have a word, which may be why I have avoided discussing in depth in the past].  I genuinely respect most people who follow a religious path or specific spiritual path, as well as those who claim the labels of atheist and agnostic. I see it all as a choice; we're each making a choice as to what we believe regarding the realm of the unseen and deeper meaning. I am one of those annoying people who freely admits I do not know anything, and I'm okay with that.)

Back to my friend's question…

We have quite a few spiritual friends in common, so I knew she would receive a lot of very helpful, specific guidance regarding others' practices and beliefs.

Yet her question triggered something within me and prompted me to dig deep and explore why most religious and/or spiritual paths don't resonate wholly with me on a personal level.

Here is what I wrote:

Do you believe, or can you open to the possibility, that part of your Being is pure love and sheer perfection? You...the unique soul imprint we know as _____. Your Highest Self, as I call it.

Like you, I also tend to get caught up in words: God, Spirit, The Universe...and get lost when I try to envision or describe God, Spirit, The Universe. So much is beyond our ability to comprehend, imho; I can't begin to put what I choose to believe into words.

When I simply go within and tap into myself, for lack of better words, and trust that part of Who I Am is Pure Love and all the wonderful qualities we attribute to God, Spirit, The Universe, that works for me.

I am more comfortable with myself than with any other being, and I believe we are each manifestations of God/Spirit/The Universe. So, I ask, I beg, I pray, I set intentions, I express gratitude...I convene with my Highest Self, trusting that in doing so I'm also convening with God/Spirit/The Universe. I have an unshakable belief in our Interbeing with all life.

To me, it's a much more simple, direct line of communication, with familiarity, and takes away some of the discomfort, confusion and perhaps even a sense of unworthiness that I sensed in your post when seeking guidance.

I wouldn't ever, ever be afraid to ask something of myself. 

I love myself. I may get disappointed and even disgusted with myself at times but, all in all, I truly and deeply love myself.

I sincerely hope you love you, my friend.  I love you.

I found myself in tears after I wrote that. I felt such tremendous love for myself. No, really, I did. I know it sounds weird, and I'm sharing this precisely because I don't think it should sound or feel weird.

We so often speak of self-love and showing compassion for ourselves and really feeling it, not just saying the words.  Over the last few weeks I've been mindful of saying, out loud, "I love you, Dena." At first it was awkward, but I broke through the awkward stage, and when I wrote my thoughts to my friend I experienced one of those euphoric moments in which I truly felt it…not only for myself but for my friend and all beings. 

Now, don't get me wrong. Many people view me as some touchy-feely, hippie, kumbaya person who espouses "love and light" for everyone and everything, so when I express disdain for someone's actions, they accuse me of being a hypocrite.

The love of which I speak here doesn't translate into me wanting to develop a relationship with every person I meet; there are people I have removed from my life because I view them as toxic, to put it mildly. Removing them from my life is the most loving action I can take for myself and the person involved.

That said, on that "higher" level – the aspect of me that embodies the highest level of my own humanity -- I can say I sincerely love them, as I don't believe they are "evil" or "bad" people in their heart of hearts.  I believe we are intrinsically connected and interdependent in an energetic sense, so I most definitely wish them well and certainly do not wish them any harm.

But I have zero interest in having them in my life, as I strongly dislike aspects of who they are and how they behave and how it all affects me.

I also believe many people who claim to be atheist or agnostic feel this same sense of Interbeing and interconnectedness of which I speak, without being able to (or perhaps without needing to) articulate it.  They recognize that all beings – all humans and all creatures and the Earth herself – are interconnected and interdependent.

I will share more soon about my experiences which have led to this unshakable belief in the interconnectedness of all beings, our Interbeing, as it is the foundation of how I have navigated my journey through life thus far.

My belief in Interbeing is contrasted with the real experience of what I refer to as "othering."  Whenever we feel a sense of disconnection and subsequently treat other beings accordingly – or experience this treatment ourselves --  the result is usually tremendous pain and suffering. Wishadoo! was created to provide a space to connect in an attempt to heal our pain and suffering, and then to inject more joy into our human experience.

In considering my friend's question, I realized that my perception of many spiritual and religious paths involves othering -- a disconnection or externalization of one's faith as being separate from ourselves as individuals. Many believe the origins and core essence of most belief systems and religions are steeped in authentic Universal Love, yet putting those beliefs into practice – including how we pray and convene with Spirit (I'll use that word here) – has become complicated and now seems to require an intermediary of sorts, be it in the form of sacred scripture, clergy, specific rituals, specific prayers, etc. 

(Please know that I realize each person's beliefs are very personal and unique, so I'm not trying to make a blanket statement; I'm sharing my own perceptions and my feelings. Our connection to All That Is is part of my belief in Interbeing, and resultant sensitivity to the pain of disconnection and othering.)

For those of you who do believe in God/Spirit/The Universe, I ask you to please consider the possibility that you may "other" Spirit at times when you doubt your direct connection.

I ask you to please consider the possibility that you may "other" yourself in a multitude of ways more often than you'd like to admit.

I ask you to take a moment to sit quietly and ask yourself: 

"Do I love me?"  

Tell yourself you do. Say it out loud, even if it doesn't feel sincere at first and even if you feel extraordinarily awkward.

"I love you, _____."

Say it until you believe it.  Do the inner work that makes it possible, that makes it authentic.

And know that you are loved.

I say with a full, wide-open heart that I love me.

I also love you.

I love All That Is.

Happy Valentine's Day.

~  Dena

P.S. – The hit song by A Great Big World, Say Something, has really struck a cord with people of all ages (see 4-year-old's emotional reaction). I can't really tell why it touches people so deeply; perhaps it's a very unique, individual reaction for each of us.  I find it poignant yet exquisite in its simplicity.  

I ask you to listen to the song and try not to take it too literally; imagine singing this to yourself.  Don't walk away from yourself, don't give up on yourself. Say something...loving to yourself.  (refresh page if video doesn't show)

PRACTICAL COMPASSION | Sharing thoughts, ideas, and visions of a more compassionate, collaborative, joy-filled world.