Earth Day 2015: Caring Ecosystems

Also posted @ LinkedIn | Caregiverism blog 


An ecosystem is defined as "a biological community of interacting organisms and their physical environment."  We humans are part of the ecosystem. 

Within each ecosystem there is a web of connections and relationships, the proverbial "web of life. " When an ecosystem is healthy, there is a balance between the inhabitants and the resources available to them. This balance ensures the survival of the inhabitants and the environment itself.

When you stop to consider your local ecosystems and environment or the global environment, do you feel good about it? When you see images of fracking and factory farming, BP's devastating oil spill in The Gulf of Mexico, food waste contrasted with hunger and poverty, and how we as a species have literally trashed our oceans and land…doesn't it feel wrong how cruelly we treat the environment, other creatures, each other, and ourselves?

The driving force for this cruelty is the quest for control of resources. 

Resources = money.

Money is meant to be a tool, not a value. Our economic and financial systems should reflect our values as a society. Instead, money has shaped our values and has itself become a value system, the primary focus and priority in our lives.

In order to get more money, we compete, seek to dominate and, quite often, exploit in this quest for more money…more, more, more of everything. This quest destroys not only the security and well-being of the global environment, but the security and well-being of individuals, families, communities and even nations.

We can, as a citizenry, do better. We can start by having a conversation about prioritizing our values as a society.

One of the fundamental elements of Caregiverism is Care over Capital.

On this Earth Day 2015, what if we were to apply Caring Values to how we approach being better stewards of the environment and find solutions to the myriad problems we face?  

Compassionate, courageous, inclusive, optimistic, wise, and integrity-based values. 

COMPASSIONATE CARE – Instead of an arrogant, cruel approach, what if we made decisions based on genuine care, compassion and empathy, not only for ourselves and loved ones but for the Common Good, and the planet which we all call home?   

The Dalai Lama's words from 1991 speak to this beautifully:

The earth is not only the common heritage of all humankind but also the ultimate source of life. By over-exploiting its resources we are undermining the very basis of our own life. All around, signs abound of the destruction caused by human activity and of the degradation of nature. Therefore, the protection and conservation of the earth is not a question of morality or ethics but a question of our survival. How we respond to this challenge will affect not only this generation but also many generations to come.

In the case of such global issues as the conservation of the Earth, and indeed in tackling all problems, the human mind is the key factor. Whether they are problems of economics, international relations, science, technology, medicine or ecology, although these issues seem to be beyond anyone individual's capacity, where the problem begins and where the answer must first be sought is within. In order to change the external situation we must first change within ourselves. If we want a beautiful garden we must first have a blueprint in the imagination, a vision. Then that idea can be implemented and the external garden can materialize. Destruction of nature resources results from ignorance, lack of respect for the Earth's living things, and greed.

In the first place we must strive to overcome these states of mind by' developing an awareness of the interdependent nature of all phenomena, an attitude of wishing not to harm other living creatures and an understanding of the need for compassion. Because of the interdependent nature of everything we cannot hope to solve the multifarious problems with a one-sided or self-centered attitude. History shows us how often in the past people have failed to cooperate. Our failures in the past are the result of ignorance of our own interdependent nature. What we need now is a holistic approach towards problems combined with a genuine sense of universal responsibility based on love and compassion.

COURAGEOUS CARE –  Instead of operating from a place of fear, which often leads to apathy and indifference, what if we had the courage to act upon what we intuitively know is a more nurturing, less destructive way of being and doing? What if we had the courage to believe that there are those among us who are brilliant and who are developing creative, innovative, alternative solutions more in alignment with a Caring Society? What if we had the courage to believe that we have the power to change the trajectory we're on as a species, and how we're impacting other species?

INCLUSIVE CARE –  What if we as individuals, communities and nations made decisions based on awareness of our interconnectedness (Interbeing) and the bigger, long-term picture which requires robust diversity and cooperation in order to thrive? What if we were to consciously pursue more harmony and balance in our lives and the world around us, rather than more money? 

OPTIMISTIC, ACTIVE CARE – Instead of anger-based cynicism and skepticism being "cool," what if hope, optimism and even visionary, care-based thinking were supported and encouraged, not demeaned and disrespected? (Egads, what if it were funded?!) Caregiverism refers to informed, creative, aware optimism; active optimism rather than the hopelessness and despair so many feel.

(I am encouraged to see a rise in a faith-based focus on Humanity's role as caretakers not "rulers" of the Earth.)

INTEGRITY-BASED CARE –  What if we were to have more respect for ourselves and all life and not accept that the way things are is the way they shall remain? What if we each were to stand up and speak out more often against corruption, destruction, exploitation and bullying in all forms and demand truth and integrity from our institutions, those leading our institutions and those on the public stage? It seems that before we can demand that of others, however, we must start by being honest with ourselves. 

WISE CARE – Wise care is balanced, thoughtful, mindful and sustainable (aware of "enoughness"), informed via collective wisdom and a multidisciplinary approach toward the nurturing of our collective well-being.  

What might a world comprised of individual yet connected societies and cultures look like if Caring Values were embraced and acted upon by the majority? 

What might our local and global ecosystems look like with such care? 
 

PRACTICAL COMPASSION | Sharing thoughts, ideas, and visions of a more caring, collaborative, joy-filled world.

Apathy Kills: Who Cares? (Part I)

(Crossposted from LinkedIn)


This wasn't the post I intended to write today.

I thought about creating a video to express what I'm thinking and feeling after reading a news story this morning, but I haven't been able to stop crying long enough to speak clearly.

I am writing this through tears of anger and frustration, but also tears of determination, perhaps belligerence, and an overwhelming sense of the fierce urgency of now. I hope you care enough to take the time to read this.

Please know that I do understand how most people today feel overwhelmed with the constant bombardment of news and information (often negative) and pleas for help swirling around as most of us are doing our best to get through each day. It becomes what I call white noise. I understand the tendency to shut down and turn away, and turn inward, feeling helpless in the face of it all.

Yet I'm asking you to not turn away.

Earlier this morning I saw a Columbus (Ohio) Dispatch article entitled:  "Despondent couple found dead in their Bellefontaine home"

Neighbors said they seldom noticed the couple in the little house at 225 W. High Ave. Yet the two were desperately reaching out for help. In a listing on giveforward.com this year, Jodi Speidel wrote that both she and her husband, Randy, had chronic illnesses and had been living without gas heat all winter and without water for a week. With $33 in savings, she said, they were eating one meal a day and didn’t have scraps left for their two cats.

“I have turned in every direction possible and don’t know what else to do,” she wrote. “If you can help, we will be forever grateful and will even pay you back once we get back on our feet.”

No one responded on that website or a similar post on gofundme.com.

On Tuesday, the Speidels’ landlord found a pink note on the front door of the one-bedroom house warning visitors about carbon monoxide inside.

The reason I'm so heartbroken about Jodi and Randy Speidel's story is because I know that, while they likely felt alone in their struggle (which is heartbreaking in and of itself), they were not alone in what they were experiencing. I know all too well that there are thousands upon thousands of people, in the United States alone, who feel the same sense of isolation, despair and hopelessness, for countless reasons. It's an epidemic.

Many of these same people have found their way onto my path over the last eight years through my work at Wishadoo; people of all ages, backgrounds, belief systems, in every corner of the United States and even around the world. (Please note that Wishadoo is currently on hold; more on that later.)

The number of people who feel they cannot afford to exist in this world is growing. 

It wasn't that long ago that I felt much the same. Too many find themselves contemplating the brutal reality that their loved ones may have a better chance at sheer survival if they were to leave -- and leave loved ones with life insurance funds.

In our predatory capitalistic society – a society in which money IS our value system -- money is  at the root of nearly every decision made throughout each day. It's not hard for such thoughts of despair to creep in...thoughts about how the proceeds from our deaths may be more helpful to our loved ones than our struggles to keep a roof over our heads, if we've been able to maintain those payments, that is. (I know, I know…the mere mention of suicide brings up so many deep-seated feelings and opinions, and I'm aware suicide usually negates life insurance payouts, but if you're focused on that tidbit, you're missing the point here.)

I have persevered because I know I have worth and value in this world; more importantly, I know everyone else does as well. I'm here to remind others of this simple guiding truth:

There are thousands upon thousands of people feeling this despair, in a country where wealth and income inequality are staggering. Quite frankly, it's obscene and shameful. Such despair is not only unnecessary and avoidable, it's unconscionable.

http://datadrivenviewpoints.com/

I contend that most of our systems are FUBAR. We are increasingly criminalizing poverty and inequality, while simultaneously decreasing employment opportunities and destroying social safety nets.  Quality of life is quantified by the numbers in one's bank account.

I empathize with the Speidels and the untold number of others in despair but, more importantly, I care. I recently wrote about how and why I have come to firmly believe that, first and foremost, we must CARE: care about, in order to care for, and ultimately care with.

No one should feel isolated and alone, not unless they consciously choose such a life. This is precisely why I created Wishadoo! (The Community Good Social Network) eight years ago. As I wrote in my story of how Wishadoo! was born:

I believe there is an underlying truth that remains unsaid as we turn away and struggle on our own each day:

We intentionally create walls. We don't trust, we fear humiliation, we fear being taken advantage of, we fear judgment, we fear rejection. It feels as though it is easier to just "get by" on our own. There are so many walls between us.

We can break down these oppressive, destructive walls – individually and systemically -- if we simply make the choice to care.

We can drill down later on the specifics which lead to tragic choices such as The Speidels' -- the healthcare system, the economic system, the social systems and the personal stories involved – but, for now, I'm asking you to simply care about their story.

I'll end this first installment by also asking you to do this:  Imagine.

Imagine a community, similar to Facebook, where people are there to share and to listen; to share joyful, celebratory aspects of their lives as well as struggles; where there is a better chance of connecting and not feeling alone and hopeless. Or helpless. A community which encourages genuine, deeper connections and respectful dialogue. A community which is a catalyst for outreach with physical neighbors and others in their local community, and provides meaningful support to create these connections.

A community which can provide hope and support, perhaps even empowerment and meaning, all of which so many desperately need.

A community where people truly care. 

In Part II I'll share what I offer as one solution, one avenue of care. I may even post this later today.

Thank you for reading…and for caring.

~ Dena

PRACTICAL COMPASSION | Sharing thoughts, ideas, and visions of a more compassionate, collaborative, joy-filled world.

First and Foremost, We Must Care

(Crossposting from LinkedIn)

I believe sharing our stories is critically important now. Over the last 18 months I've had several life-changing realizations as it concerns the community-building work so many of us have been doing for decades. I recently wrote about my personal journey in three essays, including an essay based on my social entrepreneurial journey, in an attempt to share my "why" – why I do what I do, feel what I feel, and am Who I Am – and included these realizations.

To summarize the last 10 years, I have had an almost laser focus on compassion and empathy as a means to cultivate genuine community. Even when my work -- specifically Wishadoo! -- was spotlighted on Glenn Beck's Fox News program in 2010, leading to months of harassment, I did not veer from my focus on compassion, empathy and the Common Good. In fact, I'd say I doubled down, not allowing such harassment to affect standing in my truth and integrity; nor did it lessen my faith in Humanity.

As I more recently turned my attention to explore the cultivation of authentic, deep community very specifically within the "new economy" movement (a movement I've been a champion of for decades), I began to notice a striking lack of diversity in the various coalitions within the sharing economy, gift economy, cooperatives, etc.

In my mini-bio essay, I share in great detail my experience of a racist, bigoted environment having shaped me as a young child, so I am perhaps hyperaware of anything resembling segregation and "othering." (Update: Coming soon, the No-Othering ZONE Campaign)

When I drilled down on both the privilege involved and lack of diversity I observed in many "new economy" initiatives I tend to champion, the reason for it came down to one simple truth:  In our society, people tend to not trust, and we certainly are less likely to trust anyone who is different from us – the "other."

I realize it's something most of us are aware of at some level; still, the depth of this lack of trust and its direct impact on advancing my community development work was jarring.

That's when I knew that, before I could continue cultivating compassion, empathy and authentic community via projects now assembled under the banner of Our Good, I must immerse myself in the work of nurturing bonds of trust.

However, in the early stages of exploring how best to foster trust, I came to my third realization, the most significant of all:  We cannot trust one another unless we care...care about.

We must start where we are and allow ourselves to care.

We must care about and have an engaged interest in creating a more just, sustainable world that works for all.

 FIRST AND FOREMOST, WE MUST CARE.

The foundation of our collective well-being is care. No relationship or system of relationships is sustainable without a foundation of genuine care...caring about, caring for and, ultimately, caring with.

After deep dialogue with diverse groups of people about a wide array of issues impacting us as individuals and as a global society, Caregiverism was born (click here to read about my journey to Caregiverism).

     Caregiverism is a grassroots model for cultural-spiritual transformation and systems change, expanding the definition of 'care' and 'caregivers' beyond current role and gender limitations. It is the foundation and framework for a Culture of Care – wholistic care of and for ourselves, other people, communities, non-human animals and our environment. 

     Caregiverism cultivates a nurturing, compassionate, optimistic, creative, courageous, harmonious, collaborative way of being and doing -- inviting communities to prioritize their collective values, which allows for thriving rather than merely surviving – in sharp contrast to the current corrosive, competitive, exploitative, cynical, domination-based worldviews and institutions.

     Caregiverism explores, prioritizes and gives voice to our highest values and priorities. It is a model for transformation which complements and works in harmony with other models, projects and initiatives which mirror these values.

The underlying intention with all of my work  -- existing projects and those waiting in the wings – is to catalyze transformation, individual and systemic, toward a caring consciousness, caring communities, and more just, harmonious, sustainable societies via Caregiverism. I have chosen to do this by focusing on the development of these six sectors:

Caring Culture (arts/media)  |  Caring Democracy  |  Caring Economy

Caring Ecosystems  |  Caring Education  |  Caring Organizations

Even though I only recently assigned this "way of being and doing" a name, I've essentially been creating opportunities to raise awareness of and implement Caregiverism in our daily lives most of my life, certainly throughout my activist-entrepreneur life. Having this more basic yet deeper focus on care as the base to build upon in moving forward provides a clearer road map and blueprint for creating the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible (h/t Charles Eisenstein).

The journey begins with opening to and deepening our capacity to care; with care comes trust; with trust comes compassion and empathy; with compassion and empathy comes justice and healing; with justice and healing comes peace; with peace we are able to create meaningful, sustainable lives and societies. 

Currently, Our Good offers the following projects which support the movement toward more caring, sustainable communities and meaningful lives:

*  Offering the space to connect and put caring consciousness into action as a community is why Wishadoo!, the Community Good Network was created eight years ago. To connect as individuals and as communities and networks and as a Caring Citizenry. Can you imagine the impact if Facebook, Ebay, Craigslist and other popular platforms were created with these express intentions? Wishadoo is a social network platform which combines all of these features and more, built upon a foundation of respect, integrity and care.

*  Offering hope, inspiration and care-based solutions by sharing examples of Caregiverism is why the online Community Good Magazine was created. "Local Good" will be an exemplar for a community-based, community-owned "good news" multimedia enterprise.

*  Providing a truly comprehensive directory where one can find existing avenues of care and assistance, as well as find inspiring projects and ventures which are examples of Caregiverism is why the Community Good Directory was created. 

All of the above projects exist – I am not speaking in hypotheticals whatsoever. They are global projects, with an initial national focus (US), and each complement one another and are symbiotic. (See video below.)  In addition to fostering more caring, compassionate action, they serve the purpose of integrating the many fragments I perceive in my area of work and activism (fragmentation and the resultant inefficiency is something which drives me a bit crazy). The projects and initiatives are in various stages of development, with Wishadoo! having achieved proof of concept over the last 8 years, through several incarnations. 

Other initiatives waiting in the wings under the Our Good umbrella have all been  designed to cultivate and support our evolution toward a caring consciousness and Culture of Care.

All projects are currently on hold as I seek a team of support – A Coalition for Good – in moving forward, as I cannot continue to do this on my own. I am currently exploring partnerships and funding opportunities for job creation to support expansion of my vision of Doing Good. 

Please note that collaboration in support of other organizations, projects and endeavors has always been central to my intentions and vision. I am especially passionate about social enterprise, cooperatives, and women-owned ventures. Because I feel cultural transformation can be accelerated via the global online community, transforming online culture is a top priority for me. One women-owned and managed project waiting in the wings very directly catalyzes and implements this transformation.

While I am most definitely a grassroots, "boots on the ground" activist-entrepreneur, I have also always been a systems thinker. To use Caregiverism terminology, I address problems with a triage approach:  Identify the most critical wounds and assign treatment in order of priority based on suffering, while also seeking to identify and treat the root cause of the wound or illness.  

I've been greatly influenced by Riane Eisler's Caring Economy Campaign and The Charter for Compassion for many years, and intend to explore ways to support their vision and those who align with their mission. 

I believe wholeheartedly that we have it within our power to do much, much better as a society. And when I say "do better," I do not mean get more, more, more money or more, more, more stuff. I mean we have the capacity and means to reduce suffering and increase joy – our own and that of others.

I hope to inspire others through practical action and mindfulness of the bigger picture and the interconnectedness (Interbeing) of it all.

The word cloud shown above is comprised of words and phrases that are my focus in nearly everything I do. Maybe you'll see your focus and passions and find you care about what I'm sharing here. If so, please let me know! Maybe you'll want to reach out to connect and collaborate?

Perhaps you have the resources to help facilitate job creation and expansion aspects to scale the vision of Our Good and others' collaborative projects in support of a more Caring World?

I hope you will feel a resonance with Caregiverism and my work at Our Good, choose to actively support a Culture of Care, and look forward to updates and calls to action from me in the near future. Thank you for reading. 

~ Dena

PRACTICAL COMPASSION | Sharing thoughts, ideas, and visions of a more caring, collaborative, joy-filled world.

An Invitation, A Sharing

I'm sharing my story as a show of faith and trust, and as an invitation to understand my work and goals more deeply. My hope is that those interested will want to explore the possibilities of collaborating and creating a Coalition for Good. 



Writing my story over the last few months has been difficult; writing about what was, rather than what is or, better yet, what could be, has been a frustrating task for me. It is my natural inclination to do, not to write or speak about doing; I'm a do'er, especially when I perceive a dire need.

There are also amazing people and projects out there doing fabulous work, and I prefer to spend my time connecting, interviewing and writing about them…not myself.

Collaboration in support of other organizations, projects and endeavors has always been central to my intentions and vision. Forming a Coalition for Good is a vitally necessary next step, so I have done my best to focus strictly on sharing my story, my why.

I realize this is long, but I don't intend for this to be viewed as a resume or vision statement. Nor is it edited to perfection; I may go in and out of observer mode as I recall events. I picture myself sitting across from you, having a cup of coffee, while I share my story. Certainly words are easily misinterpreted, no matter how carefully I have tried to utilize and craft them, so please don't hesitate to ask any questions, about anything. 

* * *

As my work took a monumental leap in 2014, culminating in the conception of Caregiverism (much more on that later), I put my attention on gathering a Coalition for Good. Potential collaborators and supporters began to  request that I share more about my story and my journey. At first I was surprised to hear people say they'd rather learn more about me, personally, than the projects themselves. They wanted insight into why I do what I do and have been doing throughout my life. They wanted to know my why. I'm accustomed to being the behind-the-scenes person -- chopping wood, carrying water – not focusing on me personally.

I get it though. Our stories matter, perhaps now more than ever. 

I don't hide from what is. I see things as they are and face it all, head on, but I choose to pivot my attention on what could be. I’m one of those people who has always asked "What if?", believing the questions themselves are key and that asking them, out loud, are critically important to our well-being and, quite simply, our survival. 

Eight years ago I created Wishadoo!, a rather revolutionary social network, intended to be the first member-owned online community cooperative and "new economy" incubator, providing a safe, respectful gathering space with many tools to put authentic community into action. The work at Wishadoo! over the years has led to the creation of other projects and initiatives, with the portal now found at OurGood.org.

I have always wanted to empower and encourage active hope -- for myself as much as for anyone else. 

I have always wanted to reduce suffering and increase joy -- for myself as much as for anyone else.

At the core of Who I Am and everything I have done and continue to do is an acute awareness of our interconnectedness, an unwavering faith in Humanity, and a maturing vision of our potential for a cultural-spiritual evolution. I believe critical mass is real and that we can shift the course of not only our individual lives, but the course of Humanity by asking "What If?" -- staying open to possibilities and new perspectives and perceptions.

I savor the process of creating potential for possibility, hope and joy.

Over the last few years I have undergone significant personal challenges (a crucible, really), and having come out the other side intact and as passionate about my work as ever, it is time to find reliable, passionate collaborators. I do not doubt that both I as an individual and my work –  the various puzzle pieces I have created and developed thus far -- have great value in this world. 

My intention and hope in writing and sharing my story is that you will see the bigger picture of what I envision, resonate with the fundamental elements, and accept this invitation to collaborate in creating a Coalition for Good.

I have written a series of essay to share what I feel are the applicable aspects of my journey. I've divided them into three sections as shown below and have attempted to compose them as standalone essays for those who do not want to read in full, or in order. (I will post a PDF with the entire content soon.) Please note the navigation menu at the top of the site with tabs for each of the three essays, or click the following to begin reading:  

1.  My mini-bio (my why)

      • An early Interbeingist
      • How racism and "othering" shaped me
      • Owning my wisdom

2.  My social entrepreneurial journey 

      •  Social entrepreneur before it was cool
      •  From E.T. to Wishables to Wishadoo!
      •  Coming full circle: Caregiverism

3.  Caregiverism

      •  Feminism, militantism and my "aha" moment

      •  First, we must care
      •  What, Why, Who and How

Thanks for reading and for caring about my story.

~ Dena



PRACTICAL COMPASSION | Sharing thoughts, ideas, and visions of a more caring, collaborative, joy-filled world.

On Vaccinations, Trust and Caregiverism

The vaccine controversy is the perfect example (to me) of how the Religion of Monetary Profit has corrupted EVERYTHING. Most of the people who are anti-vaccine are NOT anti-science. It's just that in many cases the products of science, in this case vaccinations, have been corrupted by the capitalistic quest for more, more, more profit...at any expense. People don't trust pharmaceutical companies; people don't believe these companies have their best interests at heart. How can we trust any mega-corporate entity when we know they are legally bound to generate profit as their primary motivator and any benefit they provide consumers is actually secondary as far as their intentions? The "market" doesn't solve everything in this day and age; in fact, I feel the competitive "market" is precisely the problem.

I think this Religion of Profit system itself leads us to not only distrust all institutions (business, government, education, etc), but it leads us to not trust one another. We don't trust one another because we're all trying to survive within this Religion of Money framework, and encouraged at every turn to be proud bootstrapping individualists, and that more, more, more is the American Way. Any other way is deemed un-American and evil.

Our entire culture needs a drastic overhaul if we're to survive. Not only in the US, but around the world because "our way" has gone global. And this way is killing us and everything around us. 

I'm deeply immersed in another way and have been most of my life. I've recently named this path

Caregiverism

"Caregiverism is a grassroots model for cultural-spiritual transformation and system change, expanding the definition of 'care' and 'caregivers' beyond current role and gender limitations. It is the foundation for a Culture of Care – wholistic care of and for ourselves, other people, communities, non-human animals and our environment. Caregiverism cultivates a nurturing, compassionate, optimistic, collaborative way of being and doing -- inviting communities to prioritize their collective values, which allows for thriving rather than merely surviving – in sharp contrast to the current destructively competitive, exploitative, cynical, domination-based worldviews and systems.

More about Caregiverism here:  http://caregiverism.com. 

~ Dena


PRACTICAL COMPASSION | Sharing thoughts, ideas, and visions of a more compassionate, collaborative, joy-filled world.

What If She Had Emmett Till in Mind? (#BlackLivesMatter)

(Image Source: Police Sgt. Bret Barnum hugs 12-year-old Devonte Hart during a demonstration in Portland, Ore. calling for police reform after the Ferguson grand jury decision on Nov. 25, 2014.)

I want to share an interaction I had with my mom the other day -- one of my few non-racist, non-bigoted family members. This is such a perfect example of what I wish more people, of all ethnicities, would try to be more aware of. My mom is white, 70 and lives in the Deep South.

Perspective is everything.

She made friends with a middle-aged black gentlemen a couple of years ago, and no matter where they run into one another, they hug. She ran into him a few days ago and they hugged as usual. She never thinks twice about it.

She said the other day there was a black woman there who saw them hug and "if looks could kill, I would have been dead."

I asked how old the woman was. "Older, probably close to my age."

I said, "What if she had Emmett Till in mind when she saw you two hugging? She is of an age to remember that horrific violence."

Mom had never heard of Emmett Till, which surprised me. But then I asked a few people -- white people -- my age and older, people I thought for sure would know the name Emmett Till, and they had never heard the name either.

This is a perfect example of history affecting current behavior -- widespread, collective behavior -- yet far too many people are unaware of it.

(Please keep in mind that the last recorded lynching of a black man by the KKK was in 1981 -- the year I graduated from high school. Not 1881 -- 1981. That is how recent the blatant, dehumanizing violence was done publicly. It is still systemic...racism continues to be present in our institutions, which is why white people -- even poor white people -- have an advantage over people of color still. Look at the details of legal and justice statistics to see it in action. If anyone doubts this, I can spend time gathering the facts for you.)

Back to Emmett Till. In 1955, he was 14, a young black boy living in Mississippi. Someone said he flirted with a white woman. A group of local white men took Till away to a barn, where they beat him and gouged out one of his eyes, before shooting him through the head and disposing of his body in the Tallahatchie River, weighting it with a 70-pound (32 kg) cotton gin fan tied around his neck with barbed wire.

That story was repeated probably hundreds of times in the last century.

What if the black woman looking at my mom, a white woman hugging a black man, had an instinctive, conditioned reaction to the act: She feared for his safety, ESPECIALLY in the Deep South?

African-Americans as a community often parent differently than many white parents. We experience daily life differently based on many factors -- skin color is one key factor. In spite of White America's cries of horrible parenting in black communities, it is cultural for AA parents to be much more strict -- because the lives of their children literally depend upon it. Of course, it doesn't mean the kids always listen -- which is the case with ALL children, especially teens.

There are things passed down through generations, just as is the case for all cultures. For the African-American community, it is fairly common behavior for AA moms to downplay the success of their kids, especially their sons. "Oh, he is a mess. Don't pay any attention to him," even when he's done something very worthy of praise.

Do you know why this may be the case? Many of these moms don't even know where it comes from, other than seeing the older generation doing it. (I highly recommend Joy DeGruy's theory and book based on the same: Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome)

During slave times, parents were terrified of their children being noticed -- even for something positive -- because it increased the likelihood they'd be sold and taken away from them.

If their kids acted up, even as young children, the potential for beating was tremendous -- by any white person, because they felt entitled to do so to any child who wasn't white.

Parents of children brown skin have to have "the talk" with their kids, especially boys: Don't walk too fast, don't walk too slow, keep your hands out of your pockets so they don't think you have a gun...if you're pulled over keep your hands in sight at all times, no sudden movements, yes sir/yes ma'am (yes, white parents often do the same concerning law enforcement but there is no such thing as driving or walking while white).

They are afraid for the lives of their loved ones, in ways that go beyond the typical worries we all experience. There is a historical precedent for these fears and subsequent behaviors that no one stops to consider when talking about the behavior of "those people."

There has been no space for this multigenerational trauma to heal. And we need MUCH more education in this country of Kardashian and Duck Dynasty watchers. The historical context of what is happening matters.
We see the trauma manifesting in different forms right now with the various incidents, the kind of incidents many of you are tired of seeing in the news -- Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, the latest being Tamir Rice, a 12-year-old AA boy with a toy gun shot in Cleveland within 1.5 to 2 seconds of the police car pulling up to him.

Racism may or may not be part of the scenarios on the part of police officers in the near daily deaths occurring; racism in the sense of law enforcement having a higher level of fear when confronted with a black man. However, how the deaths are treated (systemic, in the justice system) and the reaction of a significant portion of White America is racist. Young black men feel their lives do not matter which, by the way, often feeds a lot of the black-on-black violence some of you are itching to bring up as you read this. Forget about poverty and housing and other injustices; the fact that many AA citizens feel they are not valued as a human being because of the color of their skin often manifests in how they even treat one another.

Racism is alive and well in the United States -- IN ALL AGE GROUPS. You're fooling yourself and may be adding to the danger by denying it or wishing everyone was colorblind. Diversity is good...appreciating our cultural differences is healthy, using them to destroy, dehumanize and hate isn't.

Lives are literally at stake every minute, in ways that are preventable, so I feel a fierce urgency of now to speak up and do my best to educate. I feel qualified to do so, to a limited degree, because I've been around racist behavior (not only views, but behavior) my whole life. I know it when I see it. It doesn't mean the individuals are evil. Archie Bunker wasn't evil -- he was afraid. I want to try to do my part towards healing this, even with one person in this world.

If you're tired of listening to or watching all the talk about racism, imagine LIVING IT. I can't. As a white person living in the United States, I can't imagine living it.

‪#‎BlackLivesMatter‬


~ Dena

PRACTICAL COMPASSION | Sharing thoughts, ideas, and visions of a more compassionate, collaborative, joy-filled world.